hope

if fear could left in a box
and love given an open sky
if faith took over the world
the heart perhaps will not be shy

but such is not the state of things
it is all in a disarray 
advantage is all that is sought
and chicanery is the order of the day

how could trust then be bestowed
upon you who have broken mine
how is to be faith restored
oh, how black is the heart of thine

star

Crisp white shirt and you think you are a star
You think that you’ve made it
The change in your pocket now don’t weigh you down
But your wallet has you falling on the floor.
Throwing back drinks, girls all around
Not caring with who, you’re night is going to end

And you’ve all but forgotten those windy threadbare days
All the dreams and promises that we made 
Standing outside glitzy shop windows
We were going to make it big together 
Weren’t we? 

All the dreams have burned out in your drunken haze
All the promises forgotten in laughs with your friends
And I am the guilt that nags you the next morning
Just a part of your hangover.

the one that got away........

i know a blog is a way to express yourself and even open up a little to strangers and so today since i am felling a little topsy turvy, i thought that i would write about that "one", the crush, the guy whom you let get away. and i would like to start by saying the the one i let go was 'FINE'. not only was he good looking and a great dancer and oodles and oodles of personality, but breaking the general rule of one sided crushing......he was actually interested in me. oh! what i wouldn't give to have him look at me like the way he used too once again. and i also wonder what i would have done if i had been single at the time. would i have spoken to him, start up a conversation and see where it went.............or am i just using my then boyfriend as an excuse for i would never have had the confidence to actually do it. i don't know where you are now my crush and i don't even know if you realize that i am talking about you........but you and the way you looked at me still helps me keep my confidence up on the days that i don't feel so good. so thank you.

let go

how much of a difficulty does giving up on something that you've spent a lot time creating and nourishing and then it had turned into something toxic, unpleasant..........not unlike your own personal Frankenstein. should you get yourself out of it as fast as you can as very obviously it is slowly sapping your energy and is making you miserable or do you try to keep it alive and make amends because letting it go would create a huge hole in your heart and that scares you?

i don't have an answer to this question.

labels

in this claustrophobic society you got to have an identity that fits the approved paradigm.......the society should be able to label you or you pose a threat. i for example am labeled as ugly, rude, misfit and unwanted.i don't have a problem with it but does irk me a little is the need to put everything in predetermined boxes.......into neat little categories of good and bad, right and wrong. it ultimately seems like a futile endeavour for isn't everything in today's world relative.what is right to me maybe wrong to you but i can always find at least two other people who think my right to be right too and vice versa. does that mean the accepted form of right translate into 'might is right' ? and opposition to that relegated into the background. but why should i live like that.i think differently and perceive the world in my own way. i don't judge the way you perceive the world and try to define you then why do you try to do that. let me be myself and if i don't fit in then let me be. a little chaos is always good for the order..keeps it on its toes. i am happy the way i am so cant you just be happy for me. don't like me .............well you don't  have to. but please don't label me as anything.because yours labels are not nice.

change is good

i was watching 'You've got Mail' today and a dialogue got me thinking. Meg Ryan said....."people say change is good.but what they really mean is that something that you never wanted to happen has happened". well i would like to add something to this............'deal with it'. Because isnt that we all do..we all deal with the changes in our lives in different ways. Some changes are good and thus we revel in them but most often (at least for me) change is scary.........i am personally set in my ways and i dont really like to change particularly if my existing pattern keeps me happy. But even though no matter how hard i try to keep myself stuck to the old live because it feels familiar and safe the change always has its way. it  molds and shapes me the way it wants and even does it very cunningly so that i dont even realize that i am actually following it dictates and not at all winning against it.
great poetry and songs have been written on this and few people even quote corny lines like 'the only thing constant is change', and i hate to admit it that it is true. so tonight after deep thought i have decided to let change take me where it will....and actually see what it has in store for me............because i know there are somethings that always were and will be in my control and the change can never touch them and as long as i have that i will never be adrift.

being twenty four

Life is a very unusual thing i have realized at the age of twenty four. When we are small we are told that it is necessary to plan your life and to use our youth to make something of ourselves..................well i did that.But as it turned out life did not care much for my plan..........and even then i managed to stay on track. when the teens hit me i quite following the acclaimed trend went into rebellion and decided that to hell with plans i am going to live it up.............and did, i made so many mistakes that i don't care to think about now. So i went back to planning..................and now it seems that i am yet again late to the party for the present trend is "the present". don't bother about the past( which i agree with) but don't think of the future either and this is what confuses me. does this mean i am not to have  any ambition, do what others are doing...........like partying sleeping  around, doing a mundane job etc, etc . then why at the same time does the advice also appear to not to join the rat race, stick to one's own individuality and create a world of your own. life at twenty four when i was four offered answers but now at twenty four it has it still unfamiliar and uncharted. it does not let me take control nor does it lead in a path that i understand.