the one that got away........

i know a blog is a way to express yourself and even open up a little to strangers and so today since i am felling a little topsy turvy, i thought that i would write about that "one", the crush, the guy whom you let get away. and i would like to start by saying the the one i let go was 'FINE'. not only was he good looking and a great dancer and oodles and oodles of personality, but breaking the general rule of one sided crushing......he was actually interested in me. oh! what i wouldn't give to have him look at me like the way he used too once again. and i also wonder what i would have done if i had been single at the time. would i have spoken to him, start up a conversation and see where it went.............or am i just using my then boyfriend as an excuse for i would never have had the confidence to actually do it. i don't know where you are now my crush and i don't even know if you realize that i am talking about you........but you and the way you looked at me still helps me keep my confidence up on the days that i don't feel so good. so thank you.

let go

how much of a difficulty does giving up on something that you've spent a lot time creating and nourishing and then it had turned into something toxic, unpleasant..........not unlike your own personal Frankenstein. should you get yourself out of it as fast as you can as very obviously it is slowly sapping your energy and is making you miserable or do you try to keep it alive and make amends because letting it go would create a huge hole in your heart and that scares you?

i don't have an answer to this question.

labels

in this claustrophobic society you got to have an identity that fits the approved paradigm.......the society should be able to label you or you pose a threat. i for example am labeled as ugly, rude, misfit and unwanted.i don't have a problem with it but does irk me a little is the need to put everything in predetermined boxes.......into neat little categories of good and bad, right and wrong. it ultimately seems like a futile endeavour for isn't everything in today's world relative.what is right to me maybe wrong to you but i can always find at least two other people who think my right to be right too and vice versa. does that mean the accepted form of right translate into 'might is right' ? and opposition to that relegated into the background. but why should i live like that.i think differently and perceive the world in my own way. i don't judge the way you perceive the world and try to define you then why do you try to do that. let me be myself and if i don't fit in then let me be. a little chaos is always good for the order..keeps it on its toes. i am happy the way i am so cant you just be happy for me. don't like me .............well you don't  have to. but please don't label me as anything.because yours labels are not nice.

change is good

i was watching 'You've got Mail' today and a dialogue got me thinking. Meg Ryan said....."people say change is good.but what they really mean is that something that you never wanted to happen has happened". well i would like to add something to this............'deal with it'. Because isnt that we all do..we all deal with the changes in our lives in different ways. Some changes are good and thus we revel in them but most often (at least for me) change is scary.........i am personally set in my ways and i dont really like to change particularly if my existing pattern keeps me happy. But even though no matter how hard i try to keep myself stuck to the old live because it feels familiar and safe the change always has its way. it  molds and shapes me the way it wants and even does it very cunningly so that i dont even realize that i am actually following it dictates and not at all winning against it.
great poetry and songs have been written on this and few people even quote corny lines like 'the only thing constant is change', and i hate to admit it that it is true. so tonight after deep thought i have decided to let change take me where it will....and actually see what it has in store for me............because i know there are somethings that always were and will be in my control and the change can never touch them and as long as i have that i will never be adrift.